Stress management

By: Mike Hirn
Openly displaying anger by "blowing off steam" was once considered a healthy form of anger management. Because it believed to be unhealthy to keep anger bottled up inside, "blowing up" was considered a normal way to handle anger. However the evidence firmly suggests that such blow-ups do not solve problems and instead cause trauma for everyone involved.

The people at whom the anger is directed become devastated in its wake while the person who initiated the attack are left with damaged relationships and feelings of shame.

People who cannot tolerate feelings of helplessness react with anger. Combined with the adrenaline that accompanies the rush of emotion, there is an illusion of being more in control of the situation.

In reality, nothing could be further from the truth. Getting angry lets people avoid having to deal with their true feelings of shame or anxiety. This reaction does not make the problem go away, and the anger just continues to spiral out of control until it manifests itself in the form of angry outbursts and broken relationships.

Some people with poor anger management skills believe they have the right to vent their frustrations on others verbally, physically, or by breaking things. Angry outbursts do not alleviate the feeling of being threatened, the fear, or the sense of betrayal that hides underneath the anger. Angry people tend to block vulnerable feelings of hurt, sadness, guilt and vulnerability. Anger is a substitute emotion for these other emotions that are kept buried.

A person who believes they have a right to vent anger on others never quite grows up emotionally. They remain stuck in a child-like reactive state when they feel frustrated. Instead of responding with positive anger management methods, they respond with temper tantrums, screaming, name calling, and other immature behaviors that increase anger by causing the body to produce even more adrenaline.

Screaming may give a temporary relief from anger, but it never solves problems. Yelling as a habit breaks down natural inhibitions that most people have for not acting out their harmful impulses. Pathways are created in the brain that make it easier for the pattern to be repeated. Gradually this habit encroaches upon every aspect of life.

Hostility breeds hostility, and open expressions of hostility harm not only everyone in the path of the rage, but also the person who has failed to attain a level of maturity capable of using effective anger management skills.